The guy next to me started snoring during "Max Payne." In another movie that would have been annoying. But being a critic is sometimes like being a medical examiner, and, for me, it was revealing to note precisely when this fellow lost consciousness.

Sleep came at the point when the onscreen hero no longer had a motive for action. Here's where the story goes cold: Max Payne (Mark Wahlberg) is supposedly investigating the death of his wife and child, but 30 minutes into the movie, there are no suspects. He is also supposedly investigating the murder of two other people, but he doesn't really care about those people. So Max has no purpose. To be blunt, he has no business being the protagonist of a movie. At that point, there's no reason to be in a theater watching him.

What happens to audiences when stories flatline like that? People's senses start shutting off. They go into suspended animation, even if it's only noon and they were wide awake only minutes before. Anything in the outside world would engage them, at least enough to keep them up and about. But bad movies are like knockout drops - or like dark tunnels that break the spirit with no promise of escape. Unless you're an experienced professional, you should not mess with them. A critic can stay alert through movies that would put elephants into comas, but I doubt most people will stay awake for "Max Payne."

The movie is based on a video game - surprise, surprise - and everything in it looks shadowy and cavernous. Max is a police detective who walks the night looking for the man who wrecked his life, but our respect for Max is instantly diminished by knowing inside five minutes who killed his wife and child.

This is what characters in movies need to do when looking for the guilty party. They need to ask themselves, "If this were a movie, who would have done it?" It's not going to be someone out of the blue. It's going to be someone in the cast. So just look around and take a wild guess.

With its flat story, numbed-out protagonist, and faux artistic lighting and set design - everything is dark or moody or darkishly moody or moodily dark - "Max Payne" seems a good half hour longer than its running time.

Wahlberg looks put-upon throughout, a natural response to being in this picture. Mila Kunis (from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall") plays some Russian mafia type who'd be the love interest if Max weren't too depressed to kiss somebody. And Beau Bridges plays Max's genial older friend, a great guy who just wants to offer advice and counsel, a good, generous, trusted, decent fellow who wouldn't hurt a soul and only wants the best for Max.

Some movies are so silly, so lousy and so transparent that they're truly almost lovable. ... No, I take that back.

More Movie Reviews